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Will Durst: Not So Super Tuesday


And now your eagerly awaited Super Tuesday Report. Or perhaps it would be better to say Not So Super Tuesday report. More of a Frenetic and Confusing but Ultimately Unsatisfying with a Slight Aftertaste of Desperation Tuesday Report.

The big problem is lack of resolution. No dragons slain. No damsels rescued. Not even a castle breached. Although there was that bit of swordplay in Ohio. The whole thing seemed a little more like a Democratic primary and not a Republican one because there was a little something for everybody. We're all winners here. Mitt Romney took six states and Rick Santorum took three. And that Energizer Bunny, Newt Gingrich, won his home state of Georgia. It's that old sports aphorism: you can't stop him; all you can do is hope to contain him. And he seems to be contanted, in the Southeast. Perhaps the center for disease control had something to do with it. Ron Paul reportedly is still running, but nobody's really sure. So it's on to Mississippi and Alabame where Newt's simplistic message is expeted to well with what they euphemistically call low-information voters. 

Meanwhile, Team Romney’s frustration is busy trying to play up their candidate's inevitability, which sounds an awful lot like the fifth stage of grief. “Oh, all right. I guess. Why not? Go Mitt.” Let’s see. Who was the last candidate that flaunted an air of inevitability? Oh, that’s right, Hillary Clinton. Who, you got to admit, ended up with a halfway decent job.

Some folks maintain this extended process is making the Mittmeister a better candidate, but he doesn't have a job. All he's been doing for the last five years is run for president. How much better can he get at it? I'm pretty sure his learning curve has used up all it's bend. At his victory speech in Boston, Romney promised real change. You got to admit, the man has real experience, especially with his own policies.

Outraged and outrageous, Durst is as current as today’s headlines, as accurate as a sniper, and universally acknowledged by even his peers as the nation’s foremost political comic.