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Will Durst: Blown, burst & compromised


 Note: Will Durst is a comedian and you may find some of his material offensive, or worse, not funny. His views do not necessarily reflect those of KALW.

Hey guys,

Will Durst here with a few choice words about spying. Apparently, we're doing it -  and not just to ourselves, but as it turns out, to foreigners as well. And just like us, the foreigners are not happy about it. Not because they don't spy on us - of course they do. Everybody spies on everybody. They're not happy because we do it so much better than they do. U-S-A! U-S-A! We're #1! They're jealous because we're such good spy-ers.

Bugging the chancellor of Germany Angela Merkel's cell phone? The Vatican? Are you kidding me? That's genius. We have the best technology and the most money, which gets the best results. At least we're not handing out bugged teddy bears at G-20 meetings. But Edward Snowden blew our cover. All our traffic analysis operations are dead. Blown, burnt, compromised. Covert has become overt. The black ops got transparent. Whoever was in charge is now looking at experiencing extraordinary rendition up close and personal. Headed straight for the Oppenheim Memorial Park water board slide.

Unless this is all a ruse. Because in espionage, your major asset is fog and mirrors. This could be more misinformation! Yeah, sure, it's an old Gestapo trick. You sacrifice one of your own to gain the trust of the enemy. All's fair when rooting out the tangos. Maybe Edward Snowden is in deep deep cover playing some counter-counter intelligence game. Not just a sleeper agent but a somnambulant agent. Coma boy. Triple cross. Gonna lull Putin into a false sense of security.

What have we lost exposing a few ancient obsolete trade crafts? Only the ability to appear offended when we catch other countries spying on us. Methinks our allies doth protest too much. The best way to determine the blow-back is if they stop accepting our foreign aid. Yeah, fat chance. 

Outraged and outrageous, Durst is as current as today’s headlines, as accurate as a sniper, and universally acknowledged by even his peers as the nation’s foremost political comic.