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Will Durst: Ringside at the undercard


In this highly anticipated undercard bout, Joe Biden and Paul Ryan took off the gloves and went after each other with straight policy jabs and sweeping rhetorical hooks for 90 minutes. No knockdowns were recorded, but most ringside judges gave the decision to Biden for stopping his own party's bleeding and blocking his opponent's momentum. Kudos were also tossed Martha Raddatz's way, who referreed the event with a command and aplomb that had veteran observers refer to her as the anti-Jim Lehrer. 

Paul Ryan's intensive training paid off and he punched all evening, while smiling so hard you could almost hear the enamel cracking inside his mouth. Meanwhile, Joe Biden had to physically restrain himself from dismantling the desk and chewing it into pieces, like a hyper Chihuahua finally let out after a long weekend couped in the closet. Apparently the former senator from Delaware had downed a couple of bottles of very caffeinated Ensure. Might want to insure the White House has a case or two ready for President Obama. 

Both Catholic fighters, the 69-year-old vice president and the 42-year-old Wisconsin congressman, danced around the ring when the question of abortion was raised and a "no smirking" zone was briefly established. And, not a single word about Big Bird, although it was an entertaining, if not informative match. The general consensus is, if the two combatants promise to wear spandex next time, we could easily sell a rematch on Pay Per View. 

The opinions of Will Durst do not reflect the opinions of Crosscurrents or KALW.

Outraged and outrageous, Durst is as current as today’s headlines, as accurate as a sniper, and universally acknowledged by even his peers as the nation’s foremost political comic.