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Limericks

FAITH SALIE, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924, or click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out information about our upcoming shows in the real world in real theaters with real audiences. That means you. Join us August 5 at The Mann Center in Philadelphia and August 26 at Tanglewood in western Massachusetts. Find out more at waitwait.npr.org. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

JEN: Hi, this is Jen from Minneapolis.

SALIE: Jen, you say Minneapolis. Does anybody ever say Twin Cities? Does anybody ever say, I'm from the Twin Cities?

JEN: Well, yeah. So I had this whole conversation with my family today about, do I say I'm from Minneapolis or St. Paul or the Twin Cities?

SALIE: Oh.

JEN: We technically live in St. Paul, but we decided to say Minneapolis. And I can't tell you why. But it was a family vote, so I had to go with it.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Really?

PETER GROSZ: (Laughter) That's funny.

JEN: But I'm also...

POUNDSTONE: Oh (laughter).

JEN: ...Going to get hate mail tomorrow.

POUNDSTONE: Wow.

JEN: So that's fine. I mean, it's totally fine (laughter).

POUNDSTONE: I don't think it's just going to come in the mail.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Well, welcome to the show, Jen. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two limericks, you're a winner. And if you can't pull it off, you're still special just the way you are.

JEN: Thank you.

BILL KURTIS: No traffic jams here in the sky and no crosswalks for birds passing by. "The Jetsons" inspired these cars without tires. At last, there's a car that can...

JEN: Fly.

SALIE: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SALIE: The future is here. A flying car has completed a 35-minute flight between two airports in Slovakia. The driver - or pilot - described the experience as very pleasant. Local birds described it as a shocking display of cultural appropriation.

GROSZ: Wait a minute. Was it a plane....

SALIE: Or was it a car?

GROSZ: Like, how do we know it's - well, how do we know it's a car?

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Like, if something flies, it's a plane.

SALIE: Look. The car has wings that fold in when it's on the road and special windshield wipers to get the geese off. And they're a great way to use more gasoline to transport fewer people more dangerously.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Jen.

JEN: Yeah?

SALIE: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: My diets have all grown too stagnant. When food's around, I'm always snagging it. I am wiring my jaw to obey Gauss's Law. My teeth are kept shut by a...

JEN: Magnet?

KURTIS: Yes.

SALIE: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SALIE: Well done, Jen.

JEN: Yeah.

KURTIS: Good, good.

SALIE: The DentalSlim Diet Control is a metal weight loss device that magnetically locks a patient's upper and lower teeth so they can only open up about two millimeters or, as they call it, two millimeters.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: According to researchers, it does not restrict speech or breathing but - that's good - but encourages weight loss by restricting you to a liquid diet - perfect. Milkshakes are liquid (laughter).

CRISTELA ALONZO: Ah.

GROSZ: That is cruel.

SALIE: Isn't it just draconian?

GROSZ: Yeah, I mean, if you could do it to other people, it would be worth it.

SALIE: Yeah, if you could have a remote control one.

GROSZ: Yeah, it was like, boom - slap it on someone else.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: All right, Jen, here's your last limerick.

KURTIS: In Wisconsin, we brides aim to please. So our wedding treats melt with much ease. When we have the right monger, our marriage lasts longer with cakes that are stacked wheels of...

JEN: Cheese.

SALIE: Cheese.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SALIE: The latest wedding trend from Wisconsin, replacing that beautiful tiered wedding cake with a tiered stack of wheels of cheese. To be clear, this is not cheesecake. It's cheese instead of cake. OK, you get a wheel of cheese, put a smaller wheel of cheese on top, a smaller wheel of cheese on top of that and so on. And you have a decoration that looks like a wedding cake. For a real authentic look, you know, cover it in buttercream frosting and have a drunk uncle crash into it way too early in the night.

ALONZO: (Laughter).

GROSZ: That does sound like a Wisconsin wedding.

SALIE: Bill, how did Jen fondue?

KURTIS: What a winner she is, knocking them three in a row.

SALIE: Congratulations, Jen.

JEN: Thank you. That was so fun.

POUNDSTONE: You fondid it.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Jen, thank you for playing.

JEN: Thanks. You, too. Thanks so much.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "THE CHEESE ALARM")

ROBYN HITCHCOCK: (Singing) Somebody ring the cheese alarm. Oh, please, somebody ring the cheese alarm. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.